A Deeper Look at Life: Reality as Teacher

I have been sober for over 16 years, and have worked the 12 steps of recovery in the traditional way many times over those years. In 2021, when I published my own step workbook, called Embodying the 12 Steps: Kundalini Yoga for Recovery, I began following a unique recovery journey, one which pairs yoga sets, meditations, mantras, and breathwork with each step. I have started a new step journey every January since then, and each time I do, the depth and profundity of what I uncover astonishes me. How can I keep working the same step process, but uncover new things, deepen my insight into myself and my life, and find new ways to heal each time? The steps offer a way to go deeper, and deeper, each time you work them, beyond the early years of learning to stay sober or abstinent.

In the tradition of Kundalini Yoga, there is a mantra: Sat Nam. It means True Identity. Or, who I am is Truth. I like to think of Truth, or Reality, as another way of thinking about God/Goddess/The Universe/Higher Power (whatever you choose to call it). Whatever is happening right now, whatever is arising in my life, IS. And I can learn from it, if I pay attention,
because it’s showing up for a reason. Usually because it has something to teach me. If I pay attention. Most of the time I don’t pay attention, and so reality has to get louder, more painful, more obvious, until I make the choice to stop ignoring/numbing/defending and turn towards it. In this way, God/Goddess/The Universe/Higher Power, etc, shows up in my life in the things that aren’t working. The things I keep trying to ignore or fix or blame on someone else. My problems are my teachers.

Before I got sober, my problems showed up as an unmanageable marriage to an addict; trying to parent my son while I was hungover; not having any idea what I was meant to do with my life; poverty. My life was trying to get my attention - hey, you are trying to use alcohol and relationships as your higher power. That doesn’t work! We’ll show you that doesn’t work by sending you an addict husband and a terrible headache - your life will get unmanageable. Wake Up!

In 2008, after unsuccessfully trying to control my drinking, and getting the worst head cold I’d ever had, I finally started to pay attention. And that sent me on a journey that has led to sobriety, meaning, purpose, becoming a yoga teacher and therapist, writing a book, a new husband, a new child, and a whole new way of life. Thank goodness my life got my attention through all the suffering I experienced while I was drinking!

And, today, suffering continues. Because I’m not all healed yet. I have more to learn. Thankfully, I’m still teachable. I have practiced over and over noticing what isn’t working, and turning my attention there. Working steps on it. Asking for help, from humans and from the Universe.

The first step in this process is noticing that there is a “problem.” In the beginning, it was the terrible marriage, the hangovers, the lack of direction, the money stress. Today, the “problems” look different: aspects of my personality that cause myself and my husband pain. The bullying part of me. The martyr. The one that feels lonely and afraid of being alone. All of these aspects that show up and cause “problems” in my relationships and in my life, are parts of me calling out to be loved and healed and transformed. And I’m working the steps with them. Not to be rid of them, but to know myself more deeply, have greater compassion for myself and others, and learn how to transform my suffering in the moment.

That’s what my recovery journey looks like today, using the 12 steps, and the embodied practices of yoga and meditation, and mantra and visualization, and writing, and sharing with safe women in sobriety.

If you resonate with this, you might start by asking yourself a pretty basic question: Where are the “problems” in my life?

For most people, you don’t have to look too hard. But you do need to be willing to slow down and turn your attention towards the areas of your life that aren’t working. To stop pretending that if you just work harder or exercise more or watch more Netflix, things won’t be so painful.

How is my physical health doing?

How are my primary relationships feeling?

Am I fulfilled in my work?

How do I feel about money?

Do I have a sense of purpose and direction?

How is my emotional health?

Do I have community and healthy friendships?

Am I happy?

These are just some of the areas that your life might be inviting you to look more deeply into. Perhaps you are suffering because there is healing and transformation available for you. If only you slow down and pay attention and get willing to ask some questions.

In Step One, we ask ourselves: how can we listen to reality and see the Truth more deeply, not to beat ourselves up, but to learn, heal, evolve, and change? We take off the mask and stop pretending that everything is fine, and we stop believing the falsehood that we’ve got this under control. We look at what’s really going on. When we bring honesty to our situation, we open the door to accepting Truth and Reality. That is the first step towards finding healthy ways to change, ways that actually work.

Here is a simple breathwork meditation from the KY12 Workbook which helps you to connect with what is True about your current challenge or problem.

MEDITATION FOR A CALM HEART

Sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor. The spine is straight, shoulders relaxed, heart lifted.

Place the left hand on the heart center, and connect with compassion and kindness for yourself, your challenges, your suffering, and this journey of life you’ve been on.

Place your right hand in front of your right shoulder, as though you are taking an oath (to yourself). The thumb and index finger gently touch in wisdom mudra.

Inhale deeply, fully, and slowly through your nose, and suspend your breath. Notice the stillness in your body, and let that stillness come to your mind as well.

Hold the breath as long as you comfortably can. Then, let the breath out through the nose deeply, fully, and slowly, and hold the breath out as long as you comfortably can.

Again, connect with stillness, calm, presence, attention, wisdom and compassion.

Inhale when you need to, and continue this way for a few minutes, then write on the following questions:

Where is the suffering in my life? What isn’t working?

Is there a substance, behavior, situation, or relationship that may be causing my life to be especially difficult?

How are these problems helping me to notice or learn something? Where is the opportunity for growth and healing?

If you discover some areas of your life that could use your attention, are you willing to give them that attention? What would deeper healing look like? Perhaps you are ready to take a journey to find out?

Originally published through The Camel: Yoga4Sobriety Magazine